Ain't It Funny

*Photo credit: Sharon McCutcheon via UnSplash

It's crazy how I roll. I commit to something (blogging for example) and I go at it hard and heavy for a while. Then I get off on some rabbit trail of making videos for FaceBook or spending time on Instagram. The goal is the same ultimately. I want to be cliché and "change lives". It's what I've always wanted. It's the motivation behind, nearly, everything I do.

One of the ways that I've been trying to help people and change lives is through sharing my story of sobriety. A lot of people never knew I had a problem. I did pretty well hiding things from the outside world. Only those closest to me knew my struggles. What was I hiding? Pssh. Everything basically. I was misusing prescription medication, drinking a fifth of vodka (sometimes less, sometimes much more) most nights, harming myself physically in order to numb the pain, and just generally destroying myself. My liver was headed downhill quickly. My blood pressure was high. My anxiety was through the roof. It was a mess. I had to pull my sleeves up for burn checks every time I wore long sleeves. Alcoholism was just a part of the story. That's what I'm going to spend most of my time on today. I will be delving more into the mental health aspect later.

I get asked "how did you quit drinking"? I know it's over simplistic but it's true. God. Nothing but God. I had people who EVERY NIGHT cried their eyes out and covered me in prayer. Were it not for those prayers I can think of at least 3 separate occasions where I very well should have died from the amount of alcohol and pills I put in my body. It wasn't a suicide attempt. It was just my life. I had built up a tolerance that was unreal for my body. I could outdrink any grown man around and I was proud of that fact....for a while.

On January 1st, 2018 I poured a shot of vodka. I had to celebrate the New Year and all and I had finally recovered from being drunk on December 28th. That's the night I quite literally fell into a fire. Anyway. I poured my little shot and slammed it. Within minutes I felt like crap. My heart was racing, I was nauseous. I just didn't feel good. So I put the vodka away. I haven't touched it since.

With the amount of alcohol I was drinking I was told there was NO WAY to quit cold turkey without having medical intervention. No way. Well I did. Yes, I did have some medical things that arose after I quit drinking but none of it was directly related to the detox process. I spent 2018 dealing with some STUFF. I dealt with a highly suspected case of pseudotumor (never fully confirmed because I opted out of a spinal tap). I dealt with dangerously low blood pressure (I had been on high BP meds when I was drinking and when I quit I no longer needed the medication). I dealt with having to realign my body physically from the various falls I took while drinking (shout to my favorite back cracker InMotion Chiropractic in Calhoun Ga). I dealt with a sleep cycle that was all over the place (still trying to get this adjusted). Those were just the physical things I dealt with. The emotional things took a toll as well.

When people say "I'm in recovery" it's so much more than just being sober. There are literally pieces of our lives that we have to recover. To recover, according to Dictionary, includes the following: to gain back, to make up for, to regain health, and more. Relationships are destroyed through substance abuse. Health is destroyed. Finances are destroyed. So beyond being sober. I'm in recovery still.

There's so much more to my story than just these few paragraphs and I'll try and be better about putting it in writing. There's something therapeutic about writing (or typing as the case may be). I remind myself at the end of the day that everything I've been through allows me to truthfully say "I understand EXACTLY what you're going through" in certain situations. I'm a work in progress y'all. So when you say your prayers feel free to throw my name in there. Until next time....Be blessed.