Today marks ten years that I have been married to this awesome guy that I call my husband. Today's blog is all about that. I'm always seeing these "Top 10" lists or "10 Best Ways". You know what I mean. They are out to tell you how to get your finances in order or tell you how to be happy or whatever the case may be. Well today in honor of the big 10 I'm going to share everything you needed to know about marriage. It will of course be in the format of 1-10 but will not neccesarily be in order of importance. What may be a little bit more important to you might not be as important for me and vice versa. Without further ado:
#1 and #2 go hand in hand and I've had the debate about which comes first too many times to count so I'm just going to lump them together for the sake of not arguing with anyone today (or tomorrow). Love God/Love YOURSELF. To be able to love a partner you can't truly do that without knowing HOW to love. I've seen people that get so lost in relationships and doing for their significant other that they forget to take care of their own business. A few years pass and then there's this hot mess of a man or a woman because they've let things go for so long. Suddenly their partner isn't interested in them because they no longer look/act like they used to. Hate to be ubrupt but that's all on you! Women: Take care of yourself body, mind, and soul. Men: Your women probably didn't fall in love with you while you were sitting on the sofa covered in last nights dinner with your beer gut hanging out. Tighten that crap up.
And in regards to loving God I don't think a person can truly connect with another on the level that marriage is meant to be without having a relationship with their creator. I just don't see it. Sure you can be in lust or infatuation with someone but until you've come face to face with that which sustains you I don't think your soul can meld with another in the way it was meant.
#3: Laugh together...laugh at yourself...laugh at each other: I'm not talking picking on a weak spot. The other night I said something completely off the wall. My husband must've laughed at me for a solid five minutes. I saw the humor in it so I joined in. We laugh together as often as we can. Never is it mean spirited (Well maybe not NEVER but we try). Laughter is truly the best medicine!
#4: HAVE KIDS!! Or better yet DONT HAVE KIDS: This one is super important for a multitude of reasons. I think BEFORE you decide to commit your life to another this should be covered. When two people partner up and don't share this information it can become quite tricky. Suddenly the wife has baby fever and the husband has a career and it's just not in his interest (or the other way around). Or you have a couple that never ever wants kids and their friends and family are always on their backs like little spider monkeys wanting to know when "Jr" will be around. Whatever your choice is make it together and stand firm.
#5: Talk about money: While this can be a super difficult thing to do for some (enter stereotype: Men make the money, women spend it) it's needed. It doesn't have to be daily or even weekly but it needs to be discussed. You want to make sure you are both on the same terms both short term and long term. Now I personally HIGHLY disagree with a situation where it's your money and my money. I don't think that that's truly partnering. Do I think everyone deserves a little "self" money? Of course! But if you aren't willing to share your money with someone you shouldn't be willing to share your bed with them.
#6: Shut up: This is something that I to this day struggle with. I'm a self proclaimed know it all and a bit bossy. I can't help it that when my husband tells me he learned this new thing or that new thing that I automatically chime in and say I know that only I can do it better. Lord I struggle with this one. I'm working on it. Women: Sometimes your man just wants to have a word. And men: women are NOT meant to be silent partners. Sometimes one or the other, or even both, of you need to just zip it.
#7: Fight: There are different views on this subject but I can honestly say I love (afterwards) a good fight with my husband. It has nothing to do with the make-up period either. I love seeing when he is so passionate about something that he is willing to defend it no matter what. I love that we can fight and make up and that we can have different views and it still be ok. I know there are couples that never fight and that's all good but I think every now and then a heated discussion is healthy. *As a side note: Fighting never involves hiting/biting/scratching/ or any other forms of abuse. That's wrong. It's despicable. And abusers need to remember Karma is real.
#8: Hold hands: This isn't just limited to holding hands though. Remember when you were in the early stages of your relationship and everything was soooo cute and soooo sweet. After a few months or years it can dwindle. Kids and jobs get in the way. TV is more important. All these things can slow down some of the sappiness that you once had. Don't lose it. It's little things like that that can keep a couple tied together. If you used to write love notes then write a few more. If you used to go for walks in the park get back to it.
#9: Listen to other people: This is another one I struggle with (see the previous statement about me being a know it all). I will tell you this though. If someone's been married even a month longer than me that makes them a month more of a success than me. It doesn't mean I always do what everyone suggests, but I do try and listen. I look around and see people that have been married 30, 40, 50 years and I know in my mind they did something right that others obviously are doing wrong. I've had people giving me advice from day one. I've implemented some and not so much on others but I've always tried to listen.
#10: Choose your counsel wisely: This one goes hand in hand with #9 but if I'm fighting with my husband and I'm on the verge of divorce I'm probably not wise to go to my friend that's on marriage #6 with her life presently falling apart. I'd be much better off calling, for example, my brother who has been married to the same woman for the greater of 14 years. Just don't take every Joe Schmo's word for what you should do in your marriage. Evalute strongly if they are wise counsel.
While I could list things for days I won't. These rules may or may not apply to you but they've helped me out more than a time or two. And to my husband: Thanks for giving in to my inccesant nagging and finally deciding to put a ring on it. Here's to 10 more!
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